


Never Thought It'd Be So Hard

by onewiththestarcult



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Death, Just angst, M/M, blood mentions, car crash, kind of mpreg, mpreg????, pls forgive me, saso 2k16, transboy suga, well this happened I'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-21 21:21:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7405285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onewiththestarcult/pseuds/onewiththestarcult
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from SASO 2k16 by catsbythegreat</p><p>package: a plastic bag full of roses <br/>to: Sugawara Koushi<br/>from: Sawamura Daichi<br/>note: I wish you were still alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Thought It'd Be So Hard

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry this is a trainwreck. Idk if this is any good, but it exists as angst for your enjoyment. Or I mean your pain.

Suga’s feet splashed through the rain filled streets towards the corner Daichi had said he was at. He’d heard a terrible screeching and crash through the phone receiver and pulled on his raincoat as fast as he could, getting out of the house as fast as he could. Thankfully his belly wouldn’t start to bother him for at least another month or two. When he rounded the corner he saw a scene of broken metal parts and crunched hoods of cars. Small tendrils of smoke rose out of the hoods before they were put out by the rain. Suga could barely recognise one car from the other, they seemed to have crunched together like an accordion. He finally spotted which was their car and went towards it, running as fast as he could on the wet pavement. The driver’s car door was bent inwards, and he couldn’t really reach the driver’s door due to the car in front of him.

_ Please let him be okay, let him be okay.  _ Tears started to pour from Suga’s eyes the closer he approached from the passengerside. He could taste the salt running down his cheeks while he licked his lips nervously.

His ghost like hand reaches for the handle of the passenger car door, hoping to see an unconscious Daichi, alive and breathing, but the airbag is inflated, and broken glass hangs from the window probably spilled onto the now limp man in front of him. Too much blood splattered on the white plastic airbag, too much rain pouring in, too little breaths taking in air, no rise and fall of the chest.

Police sirens wailed in the background of Suga’s mind, and he slumps down into the passenger seat. He can barely feel the cold of the air seeping into his skin.

_ Daichi can’t be dead.  _

“He can’t be dead. Can he?” Memories flash in his eyes of their first date, their first kiss, their Wedding. Cake, suits and all the volleyball club clad in a sea of black, with everyone else at the wedding. Cutting the cake with Daichi. Keeping Hinata from spilling the whole cake on him.

He’s jolted out of his thoughts by a movement in his periphery, another man shows up at his car door and looks in a bit concerned. Suga doesn’t realise he’s crying until he tastes the salt again on his tongue, and he lets out a sob in response to the man’s face there. Suga hears the door open wide for the rain.

“I’m so so sorry.” His face is stricken and he doesn’t seem like he knows what to do with himself, he wrings his hands and tries shaking Suga, but it barely brings him out of the trance he’s in. He’s already numb because of the rain, life, denial.

 

“H-he can’t be dead, can he?” His eyes stream as does his nose, he looks up to the man above him and grabs his arms with a steel grip and seems to want to shake him a bit, but can’t muster up the strength to do so.

“W-we won’t know until the paramedics get here. I called them as soon as I could. B-but from what I can see it doesn’t look good.” He tries to guide Suga out of the car, but he holds fast to his husband’s limp cold hand,  _ it’s just the rain,  _ “No! I don’t want to leave him.” His whole body wracks with sobs, and the stranger leaves it at that closing the door behind him. Suga is left to cry by himself until the cops and paramedics get here.

\-------

In the end Daichi couldn’t be saved. His husband was dead. He had missed his chance to tell him so many things. 

_ If only I could have gotten to the crash site earlier. If only I had been in the car with him. If only I had told him I was pregnant before he went out in the storm for groceries. _

Guilt plagued Suga for long after the memorial as he tried to piece his shattered life back together around the expectations of a baby. Around his jobless sorry ass. 

Could he even pay for the kid?

But he had to carry this kid until completion, he had to do it in memory of Daichi, even if it wasn’t really what Daichi would have wanted, but Suga hoped to rid himself of some of his guilt by doing this at least. He would have to care for the child. Whoever they are deserves the world from him, and he can’t let them down.

~1 year later~

Suga’s steps click down the walkway of the cemetery a rose bouquet in his hand and words on his lips. He held Daichi in his arms protectively so he wouldn’t fall. The kid is barely 4 months old and keeps on babbling, but Suga cooes to him while still managing to head towards the gravestone. 

He stops in front of one gravestone in the line, one he recognises easily by sight now:

Daichi Sawamura

1990-2015

Loving husband

There’s an extra plot of land next to the grave where Suga will one day be buried. 

The old feelings of loss and regret come rushing back to Suga, and he scrubs furiously at his eyes playing a bit with Daichi in his arms before turning back and placing the flowers on the stone.

“I wish you were still alive. Our son could have had two wonderful dads.” They hang dead in the air, but he’s doing alright. He has a full time job, he can support his son. That’s all that matters at this point. One step at a time he’s piecing the shattered life he left scattered on that rainy day.

~20 years later~

Young Daichi Sawamura walked his father Suga’s coffin down the aisle of a funeral. He had died the same way as his father Daichi. Car crash on the 21st anniversary of Daichi’s death.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, and so if you liked it think about leaving a comment and/or kudos or you can come talk to me on my tumblr: onewiththestarcult. Thanks for reading.


End file.
